4.25.2005

I was going to post last night. A very angry post, probably full of things I don't mean and things I wouldn't be able to take back. But I bowled, I gambled, I had time to chill and to calm down. Didn't even need the alcohol I thought I would.

It's hard for me to let it go. If I do, it'll disappear. I'll block it out, forget it, like it never happened. I don't want that to happen. But I have to move on. I'm tired of begging, of saying things that she can just push aside. Tired of hurting myself every time I talk to her. Tired of being who I am and doing the things that I do. It's time to grow the fuck up and get realistic. She was little girl when you met her, now she's a grown woman, and you're still playing the little boy, grow the fuck up. She has bigger things to look forward to. Better things than you. Better things than us.

Let it burn...


6 comments:

Kelly said...

I know I have grown since youve known me, but that doesnt mean I could be actin glike a little girl. Please dont play yourself down in contrast to me.

Freon said...

I'm not saying you're acting like a little girl. I'm saying you've out grown our relationship, while I'm still stuck in the same mode. I'm saying you're the mature one in the situation not me. I was talking to myself in the third person, I've been doing that a lot lately, I wasn't telling you to grow up, I was telling myself to grow up. Does that make sense?

Kelly said...

Yes I understand your comment of you thinking you have to grow up, I meant that it could be possible that I am acting like a little girl even though I have said I ve grown up. I dont know because I havent experienced this situation before. I think we both need to grow up a little.

Freon said...

Good, then we're on the same page.

Anonymous said...

I think the fact that you are communicating is a sure sign that you are growing up.

Freon said...

Thanks.