If I Could Change I Would

Ate one more piece of chicken, had my last beer. Never touched the Gin, no need to get completely wasted tonight. There's always tomorrow for that, gotta save it for when I really need it.

Sometimes I remember the darkness of my past
Bringing back these memories I wish I didn't have
Sometimes I think of letting go and never looking back
And never moving forward so there'd never be a past

(If I could change I would take back the pain I would)
(Retrace every wrong move that I made I would)
(If I could stand up and take the blame I would)
(If I could take all the shame to the grave I would)
(If I could change I would take back the pain I would)
(Retrace every wrong move that I made I would)
(If I could stand up and take the blame I would)
(I would take all my shame to the grave)

- Linkin Park


Longing for what used to be...

99 dreams I have had
In every one a red balloon
It's all over and I'm standin' pretty
In the dust that was a city
If I could find a souvenier
Just to prove the world was here...
And here it is, a red balloon
I think of you and let it go.


and that's when I saw her, sippin' on water
I wanna kiss her mom just for having this daughter
excuse me miss, I don't mean to come across strong
but I've been waitin' a while and you've been taking too long
and she smiled and I began to blush
she asked if I'd like to go to the bathroom and make some love
and I got visions of us, and the mirror getting steamed
and that's the very moment I woke up from the dream


When we were young the future was so bright
The old neighborhood was so alive
And every kid on the whole damn street
Was gonna make it big and not be beat

Now the neighborhood's cracked and torn
The kids are grown up but their lives are worn
How can one little street
Swallow so many lives

-The Offspring

How long before I pass out, I wonder?

One More Time With Feeling...

TV got boring, so now i'm just listening to music. Drinking while my parents are here is a first, but no problem. Here's some of the stuff I'm listening to:

Don't leave me all alone
Just drop me off at home
I'll be fine, it's not the first
Just like last time, but a little worse

And she said that I'm not the one that she thinks about and
She said it stopped being fun, I just bring her down
I said "don't let your future be destroyed by my past"
She said "don't let my door hit your ass"

-Blink 182

My drinking buddy called me. Got all ready to go over there and get smashed but then I realized he has no alcohol. What use is a drinking buddy who has nothing to drink? Fucking useless. So I'll be here for the next few hours, listening to music, drinking Fat Tire beer and Seagram's Gin. Good Times!

To me, coming from you,
Friend is a four letter word.
End is the only part of the word
That I heard.
Call me morbid or absurd.
But to me, coming from you,
Friend is a four letter word.


Friday Night

It's Friday night, my day off. I'm sitting at the computer, alone, eating a piece of chicken, having a beer, watching Ace Ventura on TV. Not exactly what I planned for, but hell, never really get what I plan. What I want. What I dream. See, I'm a Picses, a dreamer, I swim up in the clouds, imagining, dreaming, living. In my mind it seems so real. Then I fall back to earth, to reality, cold and alone. Good times.

Heard this song on VH1. Haven't heard it in a long time, but it's great. More dreams, will I never learn?

When I'm alone in my room sometimes I stare at the wall
and in the back of my mind I hear my conscience call
Telling me I need a girl who's as sweet as a dove
for the first time in my life, I see I need love
There I was giggling about the games
that I had played with many hearts, and I'm not saying no names
Then the thought occured, tear drops made my eyes burn
as I said to myself look what you've done to her
I can feel it inside, I can't explain how it feels
all I know is that I'll never dish another raw deal
Playing make believe pretending that I'm true
holding in my laugh as I say that I love you
Saying amor kissing you on the ear
whispering I love you and I'll always be here
Although I often reminsce I can't believe that I found
a desire for true love floating around
Inside my soul because my soul is cold
one half of me deserves to be this way till I'm old
But the other half needs affection and joy
and the warmth that is created by a girl and a boy
I need love
I need love

-LL Cool J


Hey Lover

I went to the bookstore tonight. I wanted a white chocolate mocha and I wanted to read, so that's the perfect place. I looked at a travel guide to Cuba. I really want to go there even though it will most likely be illegally because of the double standard the US holds towards Cuba. Then I sat in a sofa chair and read A Clash of Kings by George R.R. Martin. Excellent book and series by the way. Dare I say better than Robert Jordan's? Aye, I believe so.

As I sat there and read I also looked up and watched my fellow patrons. Some browsed, some read, and other just chatted with each other. One particular girl really caught my eye. The way she was dressed was so appealing to me. She had on grey dress pants, most likely mens by the cut of the pockets. They were baggy and hung low on her hips. She had two long sleeve shirts, tight, low cut. I really like this style, where two different colored shirts are layered and the top one is shorter than the bottom one. She also had a scarf on and a cool wool jacket and short black hair. Not the most beautiful girl I've ever seen but something about her really got to me. And she was in the fantasy/sci-fi section. Then her boyfriend, or some guy I'm just assuming is her boyfriend, came up behind her and put his hands around her waist. Kind of killed my moment. LL Cool J's Hey Lover played in my head:

Last week I saw ya at the mall

standing at the pay phone bout to make a call
I had a vision it was me on the other end
telling you come by and then you walked in
I touched you gently with my hands
we talked about traveling the distant lands
escaping all the madness out here in the world
becomin my wife no longer my girl
then, you let your dress fall down to the floor
i kissed you softly and you yearned for more
we experienced pleasure unparallel
into an ocean of love we both fell
swimming in the timeless, currents of pure bliss
fantasies interchanging with each kiss
undying passion unities our souls
togehter we swim until the point of no control
but its a fantasy it(that,you) won't come true
we never even spoke and your man (still) love you
so I'm gonna keep all these feelins inside
keep my dreams alive until the right time

Rosario The Great

I watched Alexander a few days ago. It's pretty bad. It's sad that the only good thing about the movie is the beautiful naked body of Rosario Dawson. Wow. After almost falling asleep during Colin Farrel's monologues, her fight/sex scene really woke me up. Alas it was over much to quick, but its memory will remain forever. Anyways, the movie was boring. Right up there with Troy. Crap. Gay, bi, straight, I don't really care which team Alexander played for. But that's all the movie was about. Fucking his best friend isn't what made him Great. Mention it, show it, then move the fuck on to the conquering. And Colin Farrel, come on now. If you want Alexander to be blonde then get a blond actor. Don't put Colin in a blonde wig and let his black beard show, it makes him look...stupid. I was going to say gay(not in a sexual way), but maybe that's what they were going for.

Final word...this movie was bad. Cool vistas, great costumes (actually the Persians looked fucking cool), awesome use of a harem (more movies should have them), it's good to be King, but in the end the story was shit, the acting was lackluster, and highly dissapointing. Since I couldn't find screencaps I leave you with this: sweet Rosario