I called Kelly today, returning an earlier call from her, and I of course got her voicemail. I left a message, nothing fancy, just the normal hello, it's me, call me, bye shtick everyone uses when leaving voicemails. About 15 minutes later she calls me back and asks why I'm so happy. I guess the last time we talked I sounded all depressed but this time I left a very cheerful voicemail. Now that I think about it, I was in a good mood at the time, a great mood in fact. It's not just one factor that led to my cheerfulness but probably a lot of little things.

I think the biggest thing is that Peanut, my Chihuahua, is gone. Now that by itself is terrible, I love him so much and miss him, but it means that Aubree is really gone now. Sure, she still has some stuff in her room but Peanut was the last thing of any importance and now he's gone. I felt really shitty before, because I didn't know how I was going to handle being alone. Well now I am alone, she's gone and not coming back, so the deed is done and I'm still alive. Since I survived, part of me is feeling happier. As long as I don't sit and think about her I'm fine. At work I laugh and flirt and play. I even do a little work here and there, and I enjoy the day. So things are looking up, and thank you Kelly for pointing that out to me.

Kelly also brought up the idea I've had for a few years of moving to Cancun to work and party for a season. She says she's interested again so I'm going to do a little more research on it, to see what kind of paperwork we would need to work there, where to live, etc. It would be amazing to spend months in Paradise. On the beach during the day and working in a club at night, going into the jungle on the weekends, or fishing out at sea. I can't wait, I hope it comes through, and right now I can't think of anyone I would like to have there more than Kelly. Kansas City has changed her, and our relationship, and contrary to earlier beliefs I now think its been for the best. So we'll see what happens.

Well, that's it for tonight. I need to start going to bed earlier. Waking up at 5:30am for the last 4 months hasn't gotten any easier.