Tiberius Zero

2007-01-06T17:31:00.000-08:00

The Greatest

2007-01-01T21:36:00.000-08:00

A new year; a new beginning. The hope is to muster enough motivation to do something. What exactly, I don't know, but something. I know, I always talk about the same thing, but it's time. I've spent to much time looking into the past and wasting the future. The past is gone, I need to accept that; I need to look ahead and decide what it is I want.

The pressure is building I want to break away
Motivation is lacking the point starts to fade
I look to the bottom still empty still the same
I'm waiting for something to show me the way
To the path that I should take, it's just too real to go ahead and fake
Every step that I make
Name your price I would give anything
I want to start over again
What do I want I have nothing to say
Whatever it is I want it today
Do we choose our own ground Do we choose to stay
Well I've seen too many throw it away

Do I see just one small chance to be myself to try and make it last
Every step that I take

Trapt - New Beginning

2006-12-30T01:39:00.000-08:00

Fuck I was angry on my way home tonight but it's not worth it. You can only help someone and try to be their friend for so long before you have to face the facts and come to the realization that they don't want you in their life. Or her boyfriend doesn't want me in her life, either way, it amounts to the same thing. Consider it done Aubree, this will be the last post to mention you, I won't contact you again, or reply to any messages from you. I don't care if he feels so insecure with himself that he can't let you have me as a friend but you should know better. I'm not just going to step back and wait until the relationship falls apart, which it will, mark my words, so that you can come back and ask me to be your friend again once it's convenient. You're either my friend or you're not and you seem to have chosen the latter. Good-bye and good luck.

2006-12-26T23:13:00.000-08:00

You don't wanna be alone
You don't want to see the sun go down
You don't wanna open the door and see her go
One step and tomorrow comes
Two steps and she's off with someone
Three steps and it's all you know
You'll be gone, she'll be gone
Hannah Jane - Hootie and the Blowfish

So life is different these days. I don't remember the last thing I posted about, so I'll start over.

I'm on a Hootie kick at the moment; I'll be at the Silverton Hotel and Casino on New Year's to watch them. It beats being down on the strip, cold and drunk. I didn't buy the tickets so I'm not sure if they include the meet and greet but that would be awesome.

So things have changed. I'm not with Aubree anymore, in fact, she's on her way to marriage. Kelly's chillin' in KC with one maybe two. Michelle has baby number two on the way. Dated Daisy for a minute, just didn't see it working out. Hanging with my supervisor a lot, I don't know what's going to happen with that, a big train wreck might be in store for me. I seem to build chaos into my life, I can't just enjoy it, I have to make it interesting and exciting. If I get bored I move on. On that note, my life has been pretty interesting lately, I saw Uncle Kracker and Kid Rock, Aerosmith and Mötley Crüe, visited Griffith Park and Disneyland, learned to enjoy a glass of wine, shopped at expensive stores, and just enjoyed myself.

What is love
Baby don't hurt me
Don't hurt me
no more
What is Love - Haddaway

What is love? I don't know. I guess it's the feeling I've had for a few women in my life. But what that feeling is exactly, I don't know. It's not the same for all of them, it's a different feeling for each of them. Not really comparable. The way I felt for my first, Michelle, is not like the feeling I had for my last, Aubree. It's not that I "loved" one more than the other, it's like they're on two different scales. I can say I "loved" them both but I can't really compare that "love" to each other. And I still feel that for them. Even though I'm not with them anymore, I still feel the same about them. I still love Kelly today the same as I did the day it ended. And that feeling doesn't affect the feeling I have for Nicole. I don't know, is that love? At the same time I don't understand their feelings. I don't understand how Michelle said she loved me but now is married to someone else, how Kelly lives with another man, and how Aubree is thinking of marriage. I can't wrap my brain around it. It hurts. The same way it hurt Kelly that Michelle was always in my mind. To me it wasn't a competition between them but in her mind I think it was. And now I'm sure she doesn't think it's a competition between him and me but to me it kind of is. I don't expect to get back with any of them. But I can't handle my memory losing it's place to someone else. I can't handle being forgotten. Huh. Wow, I've never actually thought that before, but it's true. I haven't forgotten them, and I don't want them to forget me. I still think about each and everyone of them. About what could have been and what should have been and what was. Do they think about me like that? Do they long for the past like I do? Why am I stuck in the past, I can't move on, can they?

I just polished of a bottle of white wine, not bad, I got a good buzz. I gotta work in a few hours, so I guess I should head off.

Livin' my life in a slow hell
Different girl every night at the hotel
I aint seen the sun shine in 3 damn days
Been fuelin' up on cocaine and whisky
Wish I had a good girl to miss me
Lord I wonder if I'll ever change my ways
I put your picture away
Sat down and cried today
I can't look at you while I'm lyin' next to her
I put your picture away, sat down and cried today
I can't look at you while I'm lyin' next to her
Picture - Kid Rock / Sheryl Crow

2006-06-20T23:29:00.000-07:00

I called Kelly today, returning an earlier call from her, and I of course got her voicemail. I left a message, nothing fancy, just the normal hello, it's me, call me, bye shtick everyone uses when leaving voicemails. About 15 minutes later she calls me back and asks why I'm so happy. I guess the last time we talked I sounded all depressed but this time I left a very cheerful voicemail. Now that I think about it, I was in a good mood at the time, a great mood in fact. It's not just one factor that led to my cheerfulness but probably a lot of little things.

I think the biggest thing is that Peanut, my Chihuahua, is gone. Now that by itself is terrible, I love him so much and miss him, but it means that Aubree is really gone now. Sure, she still has some stuff in her room but Peanut was the last thing of any importance and now he's gone. I felt really shitty before, because I didn't know how I was going to handle being alone. Well now I am alone, she's gone and not coming back, so the deed is done and I'm still alive. Since I survived, part of me is feeling happier. As long as I don't sit and think about her I'm fine. At work I laugh and flirt and play. I even do a little work here and there, and I enjoy the day. So things are looking up, and thank you Kelly for pointing that out to me.

Kelly also brought up the idea I've had for a few years of moving to Cancun to work and party for a season. She says she's interested again so I'm going to do a little more research on it, to see what kind of paperwork we would need to work there, where to live, etc. It would be amazing to spend months in Paradise. On the beach during the day and working in a club at night, going into the jungle on the weekends, or fishing out at sea. I can't wait, I hope it comes through, and right now I can't think of anyone I would like to have there more than Kelly. Kansas City has changed her, and our relationship, and contrary to earlier beliefs I now think its been for the best. So we'll see what happens.

Well, that's it for tonight. I need to start going to bed earlier. Waking up at 5:30am for the last 4 months hasn't gotten any easier.

2006-06-17T22:30:00.000-07:00

Well, I just found out I have a bench warrant out for my arrest. I guess that's kind of cool in away. See I got a ticket sometime last year for reckless driving and my lawyer had it reduced and I'm supposed to be paying what was left on a monthly basis. But I forgot to make the last two payments. Totally didn't even think about them until today. I'm hoping that all I have to do is pay the rest off and that the fine doesn't go back to it's original sum of $1150. We'll see. I won't be able to pay it off until next check, so I'm hoping I don't get pulled over between now and then.

Other than that I had a great dinner with Marcela from work. We went to some Italian joint called Bucca de Peppo or something like that. They serve in family portions only so we shared some fresh mozzerala and tomato appetizer and then some excellent shrimp scampi. Then we went to the movies and saw Break Up which was very fitting seeing what I'm going through. That movie really opened up my eyes to some of the things I do that cause friction with people. But like in the movie, even though you realize what the problem is, you can get to the point where it's to late to fix it, even if you want to. So moving on is really the only way. I just hope I never have a scene like the last one in the movie. They run into each other a year or so later. They say the expected formalities, and greetings, and then they part. As they both walk away they turn and look at each other and smile. That would just be akward. I guess that's why I like to remain friends with them. To meet someone you loved and lived with and who was a huge part of your life and now they no longer are, they're just some person you know and have an obligation to say hi to. That's not what I want.

Well it's off to sleep.

Peace

2006-06-16T21:53:00.000-07:00

Just got back from the store. I spent a little over $10 on the essentials. Water, beer, and orange juice. Tap water in Vegas is disgusting and doesn't quench your thirst, thus I am forced to buy drinking water. I really only buy the water for my dogs, because they really enjoy it compared to tap water. Beer and oj are self explanatory. Water through out the day as I get thirsty, beer at night to help me sleep and oj in the morning to help wake me up. Now that is a diet. I get a free meal at work but lately I just haven't been to hungry. Maybe a bagel, a piece of chicken, or just a bag of chips and I'm full. I'm running with my dogs as well, about 2 miles, so I expect the weight to drop.

Anyways, I'm going to go watch world cup replays, drink beer, and mope.

2006-06-16T19:41:00.000-07:00

I hate feeling shitty, yet knowing at the same time that I shouldn't. There's no reason for me to feel this way, at least no logical reason. She's gone, because I wanted her gone. So I should be happy, correct? I should be over-joyed that I'm out of a bad relationship, but I'm not. Was it a bad relationship? If so, why was it bad? Was she to blame or am I at fault? Am I a failure because I couldn't make it work? Or am I a victim because she sabotaged the relationship? Do I love her still? Did I love her? Did she love me? Does she still love me?

I miss her, that's why I feel like this. I miss her. I don't miss the fighting or the irritations or the other problems we always seemed to find, but I miss her. For who she was and how she made me feel when I was around her. But I guess that feeling wasn't enough. I broke up with her, I have to remember that. I always thought it was easier break up with than to be broken up with. But it's not, it's the same. Exactly the same.

I'm friends with my other exes, at least I like to think I am, but truly I don't know. When was the last time I spoke with Michelle? So long ago I can't recall. Actually, I got an email from her on Myspace a couple months ago, does that count? How about Kelly? We talk, every couple weeks. I saw her a few months ago, January or February. How close are we really? Now the question is how close will I remain with Aubree? Not very. That's the impression I get from her. Oh we talked a few times about hanging out, having a TV night once a week, going swimming, things like that, but it seems more like we're pretending. Like we want to remain friends because it's the thing to do, not what we really want. She easily blows me off to hang out with her new boyfriend, no second thoughts to my feelings. I feel like I've been trying to buy her friendship, paying her bills, giving her gas money. It's sad that I feel that way, but it's more sad that she doesn't even notice.

I felt angry last night, more than I have ever been. I felt lied to and used. I gathered up some of her things that she'd left here. I'd been out of town and she was watching our dogs, but when I got home she wasn't here and the dogs were hyper from no exercise, they had no food and barely any water. She was at her boyfriends. We argued on the phone and ended badly. Today I told her that since she doesn't seem to want me in her life that I would leave her alone. She said ok. I guess that answers the question of how close we'll be.

I guess she'll remember me as an asshole, like her other exes. I don't know why that thought bothers me so much but it does. I hate feeling like I'm such a bad person that someone who said she loved me can then hate me. I shouldn't care, but I do. I should move on and get on with my life but I don't know how.

A girl at work told me that if I don't know myself how do I expect someone else to know me. I don't even know where to begin looking for myself. I need to do the searching alone, and that's probably the hardest thing. So enough with playing the jealous ex-boyfriend part, and since I'm not allowed to play the best friend bit, I guess I'll play the 'some guy I used to know' part.

Good luck with everything Aubree, I hope you're happy with your new boyfriend, I hope you found what it was you were looking for. I'll probably see you a couple more times, as you pick up the rest of your things, but after that it will be goodbye. Maybe you'll see me years from now and wonder what my name is, and you might even ask me if we know each other, and I'll be sure to say no, that we've never met. And I'll turn and walk away and let you get back to you happy life. And by doing that I'll be fulfilling my promise of leaving you alone.

2006-03-18T19:46:00.000-08:00

I need to get these bad ass movies. Nothing like naked Japanese girls with swords.

Their website is here

2006-03-15T22:48:00.000-08:00

I've told every girl I've been with the following and they all go forward with the relationship and they all get hurt. I have never meant to hurt any of them but it happens none the less. I don't know what to do anymore. Happiness just seems unattainable to me.

My self-fullfilling prophecy:

You are in pursuit of a dream, and by no means is it a peaceful dream. You fantasize about extraordinary passions, extreme emotions, and romantic insanity. The search for this dream often makes you agitated and restless. You blow through people's lives like a hurricane, leaving a path of shattered hearts and broken promises. You long for stability and commitment, but only the relationship of your dreams will satisfy you. All other relationships are expendable.
If you are lucky enough to find your dream early in life, then you have a wonderful capacity for living happily ever after. If you don't, then the situation can get out of control. Physical sex is always less important to you than emotional security, but your emotional needs are so intense that you often don't take time to notice the difference. Any kind of emotional release--even the most casual or callous--can sustain you for awhile. When your dream seems distant and unattainable, you are all to willing to settle for these short-term fixes.

2006-03-05T22:37:00.000-08:00

I love strippers. I adore them. Something about them deserves to be worshiped and it's not their great tits and beautiful butts. Those are great and wonderful and amazing and so on and so forth, but that's not really what makes me fall for them. There's one thing that strippers give me that no girlfriend ever has, that no one night stand ever has. They give me soul piercing looks of desire. They want and need me right now. The way they look at me, that one thing is heaven. I can almost fall in love from that one look. I know that every guy in the room gets the same look and that all they really want is my dollar bill but I don't care. All they do is tease. They let you look but not touch. There's no sex in the champagne room, I know that. As long as they give me that look I let everything else slide. One look like that and a girl has me in the palm of her hand to do with as she wishes. I want to know why regular girls don't give those kind of looks? I've gotten 'I love you' and 'I need you' and 'I want you' but never one of those looks. Why? I want that look and I want it everyday. I don't want a stripper, I just want that look, so where do I find it? Is it even out there? I need it.

Bird's Nest

2006-03-01T21:42:00.000-08:00

Bird's Nest, originally uploaded by Freon.

Now this is art. I'd like to see the art statement on this one. See the 'Beaver' here.

2006-03-01T21:17:00.000-08:00

From Boing Boing

A 12-year-old boy on a school field trip to the Detroit Institute of Arts stuck a wad of gum on a painting. Helen Frankenthaler's 1963 painting, titled "The Bay," is apparently valued at $1.5 million. The gum was removed but left a stain. The boy has been suspended from school. Image seen here is the painting, not the gum. From the Associated Press:

The museum's conservation department is researching the chemicals in the gum to decide which solvent to use to clean it. The museum hopes to make the repair in two weeks and will keep "The Bay" on display in the meantime, (curator Becky Hart) said.

"Our expectation is that the painting is going to be fine," Hart said.

Now what I find extremely amusing in this story, is that they have to tell you the image is the painting and not the gum, because the normal person would not know the fucking difference. That's modern art people. In fact, I know that if no one had seen the boy stick the gum on the painting, no one would ever have known. Oh no, on the contrary, I can totally see a date in the near future when an art critic is yapping his mouth about "The Bay" and talking about how much of an art genius Helen Frankenthaler is for using watermelon chewing gum in expressing her emotions and feelings about hunger in third world countries and why there are no more spotted leopards in fucking Greenland. And you can read her art statement if you need any more insight into the mind of Helen Frankenthaler. It's right there next to the $1.5 million price tag. You see people, this is a shitty art piece, and the addition of chewing gum to it by a 12 year old fucking delinquent can only add to it's charm and appeal.

Wow, I don't know what's gotten into me about art these days.

2006-03-01T20:57:00.000-08:00

I've always wondered how photographers and other artists come up with the art statements usually found next to their pieces. It really just seems like bullshit art rhetoric thought up on the spur of the moment, weeks after the actual photo was shot, all so they can fill the little piece of paper that needs to go next to the 'art piece' so that nobody notices the insane price tag and shits themselves from shock. Joerg Colberg at Conscientious, which is his very cool blog on photography, art, and life, shares a similar view:

It's interesting (and a bit sad) that when you look at what is commonly called fine-art photography it always comes with a statement, which typically contains some sort of explanation or motivation for the photography. You never get to see something like "I just wanted to take some beautiful photos" or "I liked the way those rubble piles looked, so I took a bunch of photos." I wonder why. I have no way of actually proving this, but I am convinced that many photographers do not have all that stuff from their statements in their heads and then go out to shoot the photography. I have the suspicion that some of them, after having shot their photos, have a hard time writing something that can pass as a statement, because "I just wanted to take beautiful photos of rubble piles" somehow doesn't appear to be acceptable. I don't mean to say that I have a problem with somebody's wish to explain his/her photos or reveal the motivation behind them or whatever else. What I do mean to say, though, is that I personally find it perfectly understandable and acceptable if somebody does not want to write a statement. But that's not how the art world works.

Anyone else have thoughts on this?

2006-03-01T20:32:00.000-08:00

Another cool gift idea

Probably not for me personally but if you're buying gifts for others, this might be nice.

2006-03-01T00:21:00.000-08:00

Cool jacket I wouldn't mind recieving for my birthday, hint hint:

sold here SuspectGoods

2006-03-01T00:12:00.000-08:00

13_abUdbEXblgyD, originally uploaded by 华莱士.

Amazing and beautiful.

2006-02-17T23:58:00.000-08:00

FREE PANCAKES! NO STRINGS ATTACHED!

On February 28, 2006 from 7 AM to 2 PM IHOPs across the country will celebrate National Pancake Day (also known as Shrove Tuesday) by offering our guests a free short stack of pancakes*. This is going to be our biggest one day celebration in our history.

National Pancake Day has a rich history that stretches back centuries and has always been a time of celebration. National Pancake Day always falls on Fat Tuesday and this year it will be a celebration at IHOP.

So gather your friends, family and neighbors and come to your local IHOP and enjoy a short stack of pancakes on us. All we ask is that you consider making a donation to a great charity like First Book or other local, worthy cause. Where else would you celebrate National Pancake Day than IHOP? See you there.

* Limit one free short stack per guest. Valid for dine-in only, no to go orders. Not valid with any other offer, special, coupon, or discount. Valid at participating restaurants only, while supplies last.

local IHOPs: (you can change it to your ZIP code at the bottom of the page --->LOOK!

2006-02-09T21:58:00.000-08:00

Might aquire this little fellow this weekend. I have to actually meet him before I decide. Actually he has a buddy that's available as well. 2 bulldogs? I don't know, I'm tempted.

2006-02-09T20:15:00.000-08:00

I've been surfing the web and here are some cool things I've found today.

Aerial photographs of Mexico City's neighborhoods. This page has some amazing photographs, almost surreal. Some very cool architecture as well.

"Maid in Japan" cafes treat geeks like lords. This would be great. Asian girls all dressed up in anime costumes and serving you food. Wonderful.

Sex Tips For Geeks: On Being Good In Bed. Haven't read this one yet, but it sounds like good stuff.

This guy hacked his myspace profile so it doesn't look like all the others. It actually looks like a regular blog page. I'm going to use his code to do something similar with mine even if it does violate the myspace rules.

Make T-shirts easily and cheaply with Spreadshirt.com

Silkroad Online. MMPORPG. Free. 'nuff said.

2006-02-09T20:10:00.000-08:00

Beautiful images from China. One of the many countries I want to visit. See more here.

2006-01-10T02:19:00.000-08:00

For those of you worried that I might die of thirst sitting here surfing, no need to worry, I've finally given into self preservation and got my lazy ass out of the chair to get some much needed moisture. Of course, I sat back down without thinking of obtaining some nourishment as well. So back up I go to grab a delicous tamale my mom made over the holidays, it should still be good to eat right?

I need a new online name, the Freon era is over, it has been for a long time. Time to move onto something new. Something to think about tonight.

Update: Tiberius Zero, for now, we'll see how that sits with me tomorrow.

2006-01-10T02:05:00.000-08:00

I'm up late, just wandering the web with no real destination. I checked out some recipes for dog treats I might make my dogs. Also looked at some trails up at Mount Charelston I might take them, especially my Siberian so she can see some snow for her first time. All of these are maybe's. Not really up to doing anything lately, a little depressed I guess. Friends keep calling and asking me to do things and it's rare when I actually do. Just to point out how lazy I am: I'm pretty parched at the moment and in my fridge there is a nice, cold Squirt, but I'm to lazy to get up and grab it. Trolling around Myspace just seems more interesting then quenching my thirst.

I checked out some of my old drafts that I have saved on here and saw one from early last year. I decided to post it, I just found it interesting how I felt back then compared to how I feel now. These days I don't really want to get married, not like I did back then. And I'm not drunk at the moment either like I was then, whether that's good or bad can be debated. Here's the draft as I wrote it back in March 2005:

My cousin is getting married. That phrase fucks with my mind every time. When I first heard it I was speechless. Ali is getting married. My other cousin, Axel is already married and has a cute little baby girl. He's younger than me. Now Ali, who is older than me is getting married, his girl pregnant, by the end of the year he'll have a baby. That leaves me, no wife, no child, not even a girlfriend.

There's three of us, born around the same time. Nobody in our family is as close as we are. Ali, Alexis and Axel. Three brothers from different parents. We couldn't be closer if we were brothers. I grew up in Wyoming, they grew up in Chihuahua, but when we got together it was like we'd never been separated. And now I feel like it's over. Wives and children, really changes the picture, no room for me now. Can't drop by and have Daddy go cruising or bar hopping with me.

I always thought I would be first to get married, I don't know why but I did. But now I'll be the last, if at all. Ali's getting married this April. Hopefully I'll be at the wedding. At first I didn't want to go, but I've come to realize that I need to be there. I missed Axel's, but I don't have to miss this one.

I feel bad sometimes, that the life I'm living is without them. They don't know English, they don't live in Vegas, they don't enjoy the luxuries I do. I feel like I need to move back home, like I've sold out, I have to go back to my roots. Growing up my plans were always to marry a Mexican girl, a pretty girl, a girl that could cook like my mom, a girl that grew up like me. But she doesn't exist. As close as I am to my cousins, I'm still the outsider. As close as I get to my friends here, I'm still the outsider. It doesn't matter who I'm with, I'm different.

This is the shit I think about when I drink. I haven't had a good drinking session by myself in quite awhile, but I need to. It helps release emotions. If I could write every thought that is going on in my head, this would be damn interesting, but I can't so I'll leave it at that.

A veces pienso que tu nunca vendrás
pero te quiero y te tengo que esperar
este destino me lleva hasta el final
donde algún día mi amor te encontrara

Cafe Tacuba - Como Te ExtrañO

2006-01-05T12:48:00.000-08:00

Took a trip to the other side of Vegas last night with Chatterjee. We cruised over to the Divebar on East Tropicana to check out The Capricorns. They're described by the local alt-weekly as "casio-driven party pop," which after listening to on myspace, I decided I liked. I was really stoked to check them out, I guess they're huge on the indie scene and I wanted to see what it was all about. Plus I haven't been to a show in a long time so this was going to be cool. I was expecting a small, dingy little hole in the wall but the Divebar is pretty cool. It is small but I liked that about it, you get to be right up with the band. Plus the bartender was hot, blonde with extra large breasts, that's always nice. Not only was she hot, but she was nice which is very rare. We ordered some drinks and sat down to wait. That's when some old dudes get up on stage and grab the instruments. The proceed to tell us the Capricorn's van broke down in Colorado and won't be making it tonight. Then they proceed to play some covers. It sucked. Sorry but it did. So we finished our beers and left. Ended up in a bar closer to home playing pool. It was good quality time with Chatterjee but I didn't get to see a show. I guess we missed a fight, the bartender talks about it on her blog so maybe we shouldn't have left so early. I've never actually seen a barfight, but the way she describes it, it was more of a ass kicking then a fight, but that would have made my night. Overall a good time.

2005-12-31T09:25:00.000-08:00

The last day of the year has arrived. Things have changed extremely from a year ago, but in the overall picture, (which I like to pretend I can see) I'm at the same place I was 365 days ago. I was searching on myspace.com for some of the people I graduated high school with and what I found was very depressing. I found a profile for Bob. I always considered Bob a slacker, a pothead, he hung out with the grungy kids, not somebody I would picture 'making' so to say. Yet he's out of college with a chemistry degree, he works in San Diego as a chemist, has a wife and a baby. I'm glad he's successful, he was always a cool kid, I guess I'm just jealous.

Well enough bitching. A new year is arriving, time to clean house, kick all the old shit to the curb. It's as good a time as any to change for the better. I made some new year's resolutions last year and only met one of them. So this year I will make none and meet all, yes, score. Anyways, we'll see how this year goes. I see good potential, I can work with the cards that have been dealt to me this time around, hopefully I can turn this pair into a jackpot. I also see Thailand on the horizon, don't know why, last year it was Cuba and that didn't work out.

Here's to a great year, much improvement, cheers!!!

2005-12-31T07:00:00.000-08:00

Your SAT Score of 1340 Means:

You Scored Higher Than Howard Stern

You Scored Higher Than George W. Bush

You Scored Higher Than Al Gore

You Scored Lower Than David Duchovny

You Scored Lower Than Natalie Portman

You Scored Lower Than Bill Gates

Your IQ is most likely in the 130-140 range

Equivalent ACT score: 30

Schools that Fit Your SAT Score:

College of William and Mary

New York University

Boston College

United States Naval Academy

University of California, Berkeley

What Does Your SAT Score Mean?

2005-12-30T06:17:00.000-08:00

This is what I've been saying for so long.

from Blog-Like Thing:

“It’s almost as though nobody is interested in creating art as much as they are interested in “making a statement.” Which is fine, but art doesn’t always have to be high-concept, at least not in my opinion. I’ve never been a huge fan of modern art for that reason. It’s as if some time around the turn of the century, art went from capturing what was beautiful, luminous and worth capturing to capturing what’s fucked up in the world. ... And I’m sorry, but there is enough fucked up shit in the world already, I don’t need some tortured artist reminding me of that. To me, art doesn’t always have to make a statement, because where do you draw the line? Kyle took a big shit in a pretty gift box, and there’s no denying that it made one hell of a statement. Should we call it art and give him a show?

...Can’t wear pantyhose, can’t hang out at a bar in the mall, can’t sit in a cubicle all day, for fear it will make you a sell out…the supposedly “free-spirited” art world has more rules and regs than most corporations.”

2005-12-28T19:53:00.000-08:00

It's been a very long time since I posted anything on this site. In a way it's like when Lex Luthor uses Kryptonite on an unsuspecting Superman and renders him incable of using his super powers. That's me, I've been rendered incable of blogging, my inspiration was sapped out of me. I'm hoping that with the new year coming soon, I'll be able to get back into the wonderful world called the blogosphere, though who really calls it that I don't know.

Quick update: Had a good Christmas. My parents were in town visiting, had some good home cooked Mexican food. Neon was also in town, had some awesome quality time with her, it's too bad she lives half way across the country. My dogs are great, my house smells like piss though. I'm still with Cheetah, that's going so so, it gets rougher every day. Keeping a caged cheetah isn't as easy as it sounds. My back hurts, a massage is in order, anyone willing to offer their services please feel free to let me know.

Also, comments on this page would help a lot in getting me back into the blogging mode. All my avid readers, if there's any of you left, begging me to write again would do wonders for my ego and might just be what I need to take this up again on a daily basis. So comment.

Until the new year.
your slightly inebriated amigo
Freon

2005-10-29T22:34:00.000-07:00

This Is My Life, Rated
Life:	6.4
Mind:	6.3
Body:	5.3
Spirit:	5.5
Friends/Family:	5.6
Love:	3.8
Finance:	7.1
Take the Rate My Life Quiz

I Love Soccer

2005-10-22T00:06:00.000-07:00

2451, originally uploaded by @ capriconyou.

You know what the say about soccer fans!!!

2005-10-16T22:27:00.000-07:00

Puppy Mosaic, originally uploaded by Freon.

My puppies

2005-10-11T23:09:00.000-07:00

mishka1, originally uploaded by Freon.

2005-10-11T23:08:00.001-07:00

mishka2, originally uploaded by Freon.

2005-10-11T23:08:00.000-07:00

mishka3, originally uploaded by Freon.

Just got a new puppy, a female Siberian Husky. Here she's 7wks old. Her name is Mishka. Thinking of getting another one to keep her company but still not sure.

2005-10-11T22:57:00.000-07:00

You are a
Social Liberal
(70% permissive)

and an...
Economic Liberal
(25% permissive)

You are best described as a:

Democrat

Link: The Politics Test on Ok Cupid
Also: The OkCupid Dating Persona Test

2005-09-22T13:30:00.000-07:00

DSCF0092, originally uploaded by !Habit Forming.

2005-09-22T13:27:00.000-07:00

, originally uploaded by eleigurl.

2005-09-22T13:26:00.000-07:00

1115046388883, originally uploaded by Gea-Suan Lin.

2005-09-22T13:15:00.000-07:00

untitled3, originally uploaded by zchendevlemh.

Damn cool

2005-09-18T19:39:00.000-07:00

Some really cool articles I caught on Wired.com about space flight and settling Mars. The one about settling Mars is the one I find the most interesting. I would sign up to go be a settler in a heart beat. What useful skill would I bring, hell if I know but I would be willing to do any job. But unfortunately, as the article says, they don't plan on doing anything worthwhile for 25 years. And by worthwhile I mean sending people to Mars, not starting a Mars amusment park, please. Anyways.

NASA Launches Startups for Ships
Moon Could Be Next Tourist Trap
Race for Next Space Prize Ignites

2005-09-13T09:37:00.000-07:00

Five days in this motherfucking attic
I can't use the cellphone I keep getting static
Dying 'cause they lying instead of telling us the truth (...)
Screwed 'cause they say they're coming back for us, too
but that was three days ago and I don't see no rescue(...)

Swam to the store, tryin' to look for food
Corner store's kinda flooded so I broke my way through
Got what I could but before I got through
News say the police shot a black man trying to loot

Remixed by The Legendary K.O

Link to "George Bush Don't Like Black People" MP3 (8.7MB). Mirror.

2005-09-13T08:29:00.000-07:00

2005-09-05T16:06:00.000-07:00

Won’t you come and go with me
Down that mississippi
We’ll take a boat to the land of dreams
Come along with me on, down to new orleans

Now the band’s there to greet us
Old friends will meet us
Where all them folks goin to the st. louis cemetary meet
Heaven on earth.... they call it basin street

I’m tellin’ ya, basin street...... is the street
Where all them characters from the first street they meet
New orleans..... land of dreams
You’ll never miss them rice and beans
Way down south in new orleans

They’ll be huggin’.... and a kissin’
That’s what I been missin’
And all that music....lord, if you just listen’
New orleans....i got them basin street blues

Louis Armstrong

New Orleans 1919

2005-08-19T12:24:00.000-07:00

naomi's back, my canvas, originally uploaded by crazygermangirl.

Black marker, not a tattoo.

New Tattoo

2005-08-19T12:20:00.000-07:00

New Tattoo, originally uploaded by moonunit55.

2005-08-19T12:08:00.000-07:00

It would take 166.36 cans of Red Bull for me to die by caffeine overdose. Find out how much of your favorite drink will kill you here.

2005-08-19T12:06:00.000-07:00

, originally uploaded by eleigurl.

For some reason this is sexy.

2005-08-19T11:53:00.000-07:00

IMG_1679, originally uploaded by myhsu.

I haven't seen to many pictures of Japan during winter. Very cool. Must go some day.

2005-08-19T11:40:00.000-07:00

the pass, originally uploaded by my3rdcareer.

I would love to be on this road trip.

2005-08-19T11:28:00.000-07:00

As I surf through flickr I'll be posting random pics that I find interesting. You can see mine here. Enjoy.

2005-07-31T14:44:00.000-07:00

Cool Koi tattoo found on insanetattoos.com. I'm considering getting a Koi/Pisces tattoo, maybe if I can get a cool original design.

2005-07-31T12:17:00.000-07:00

I just had a phone call from a guy in Marion, Alabama. Now that was a trip. First he's bitching about how expensive HD equipment is. After that he starts talking about the black people in Alabama, and how he's a minority there. "But they don't fuck with me," he said. "I've been carrying a concealed weapon since I was 21. I don't go nowhere without one of my glocks. They're all felons but I have a 30 shot clip and I'm ready whenever they are. Let's get it on!"

He also bitched about the girl he talk to before me. He said he almost called her the two words they hate the most. He then proceeded to tell me those two words. Cunt and twat. Funny guy.

2005-07-31T02:38:00.000-07:00

2:25am OK, I'm going to sleep now. I think my brain is tired enough now to allow a few hours of sleep. I guess I'll see Cheetah later today. Hopefully everything is cool. Peace.

Favorite Verse:

Hey lady I don't mean to be so forward
but I got no other choice
soon I'll be across the border
tour mode, I'm leaving in the am
but I want to spend this evening breathing in your fragrance
to long since I've seen my better half
sometimes you gotta let go
close your eyes and let it crash
road through life is the only one I have to give
lonely isn't a strong enough adjective
to describe all the nights that I've tried to grip tight
I lack the necessary tools to help me get right
so take your place as the temporary savior
while I'm looking at your face
like I'll be tested on it later
I bet you like to fuck but you love to argue
poke a hole into my chest and pull my heart through
up to my room for cigarettes and cartoons
or we can sit right here and try to guard these bar stools
I'll take you anyway that I can have you
bring along your ethics and your issues and your taboos
it's not the standard free bird situation
but your talking to these pieces of a man that's trying to make it
through the puzzles, travels, struggles, battles
the body pillow pimp trying to snuggle with my shadow
we can stay proper
keep the clothes on
no pressure
just hold me and pretend like you've known me forever
won't you be my woman tonight

- Slug on Woman Tonight

2005-07-31T02:00:00.000-07:00

2:00am Well, I'm tired now. I've listened to about half of the Felt vol 2 album. Easily a classic. Great lyrics:

So I'm a sit on my stool and sip solo
the missing half of a stack of ripped photos
she don't know so
the odds of blowing up
watch the word work
the gods are blurring up
I never had trouble with the lovable
walk down that hill and fuck all the buffalo

- Slug on Morris Day

Easily my favorite album of the year.

2005-07-31T00:59:00.000-07:00

1:15 Here's a cyberpunk character I came up with today for a rpg my friends and I are starting. She's a human crossed with a cheetah. Yes, I am a nerd. This is what I have so far:

Long blonde hair with black dreads woven into it. Cat ears visible coming out of hair. Very soft fur, like peach fuzz, covers her arms, legs, and back leaving her chest, face, palms and bottom of feet bare. Fur has a barely visible cheetah pattern to it. A long cat tail starts where the spine ends. Retractable 2 inch claws on both hands and toes. Knee high black leather boots with a 3 inch heel and silver finishings. Thigh high black fish net stockings with garters. Extremely short black leather skirt with silver belt. Black schoolgirl gauntlets with silver lining. Black leather bra with silver clasps and a black fish net top. She's been bred for pleasure. She's a nympho.

I based the look off of this pic of Christina Aguilera:

God that's a perfect ass!

2005-07-31T00:49:00.000-07:00

12:56 Got some more tea. Listening to the new John Legend album now. The Gorillaz sucked. This one is sucking too, I'm not even gonna link to it.

2005-07-31T00:46:00.000-07:00

12:45 Just started downloading Felt Vol 2: A Tribute to Lisa Bonet, by Slug from Atmosphere and Murs. It's about 22% done already, I can't wait. New music from Slug is always a welcome thing.

I'm a little bit tired though, don't know if I'll stay up until download is finished.

2005-07-31T00:01:00.000-07:00

It's midnight, I just got out of bed after laying there for five minutes. Kelsey just left, about 20 minutes ago. We went bowling with Nick earlier today, I kicked their ass :) After that we got some Wendy's and came home. We watched Primer which left both of us a little confused at the end. Maybe more than a little. It's a time travel movie, and if you don't follow along you're fucked. I'll have to watch it a second time but I still recommend it.

Other than the four hours I spent with Kelsey, that's all I did today. I watched about four hours of tivo'd crap that had been sitting there, and I still have about ten more hours to get through. I spent about two hours cleaning the kitchen. It's livable again. Made some sun tea, that was good, in fact I think I'll go get a glass right now.

brb

ok, I'm back.

I spent another several hours online. I downloaded the new Gorillaz album, it's ok I guess. I added some pictures to myspace, that took about ten minutes, you can go check it out here. Also while you're there, check out this girls new tattoo. I wish I'd thought of it first. It's from my favorite Atmosphere song, Fuck You Lucy.

I got an idea
you should get a tattoo that says warning
that's all, just a warning
so the potential victim
can take a left and safe breath
and avoid you
sober and upset in the morning

When the whole thing with Kelly happened, I wanted to get that tattoo, I just never thought about the inside of my lip, too bad.

Well, Cheetah is Idaho, visiting family and friends. Not really happy about it. I was supposed to go originally, but then I broke up with her. Which is funny because we're closer now than when we were boyfriend/girlfriend. But she did make it a point of reminding me that we are not 'together' right before leaving, so you know how that went down with me. Plus alcohol and your ex isn't a good mixture. Anyways, she didn't even call me today, which really pissed me off. Well she did call, right before I sat down to type this, but by that time it was too late. If you're going to call me don't wait till the day is over. Michelle used to do that. Anyways, whatever.

This is some damn good tea.

It's 12:25am now, still not tired. The sugar in the tea probably won't help.

12:30 now, this Gorillaz album is kind of boring. I need new music.

2005-07-29T18:19:00.000-07:00

Bad Mother Fucker

more photos

2005-07-29T14:57:00.000-07:00

I am worth $1,706,180 on HumanForSale.com

2005-07-24T16:37:00.000-07:00

So it's been about a week since my last post. Can't really complain. Well, I'm sure I could if I tried.

I finished my Harry Potter book. A little too short, kind of sad, but still a great read. I guess I resign myself to the fact I'll have to wait two years for the next one. That's the bad thing about series. Same thing is happening to me with the Robert Jordan and the George R.R. Martin books, both of which have the next installment coming out this year. Happy happy, joy joy!!!

It's raining in Vegas today, the sky is gray, the air is humid, but thankfully the air, helped by a breeze, is cool. If only this would last.

I can't believe it's already the end of July. This year is going by way to quick. My life has changed so much this year. I really don't know where it's heading at the moment. All I know is that in a month I'm expected to return to school. I want to, and hopefully I will. But aside from that, nothing else is for sure.

I'm just rambling, typing out a sentence and then deleting it, over and over again. I think I'll watch Night of the Living Dead tonight. Nothing like a good zombie movie to make you appreciate...Well, I don't know what but I'm sure I'll appreciate something.

2005-07-17T00:53:00.000-07:00

I thought about taking the long way home tonight, but my gas tank is nearing empty. Almost did it anyways though, I needed some time to cruise. So I rolled down my windows, turned off the radio and just listened to the city. Then I started sticking to the seat. It's after midnight in Las Vegas, and it's still around 100 degrees. Can't really enjoy a solitaire drive through the city when your shirt starts sticking to your back and your balls start leaving spots on your seat. So up went the windows and on went the AC.

It's been like a roller coaster lately, emotionally. Once second I'll be happy, top of the world, then I'm like 'wtf?' Nothing is going the way I want it to. Things seem to be going great then it feels like they're falling apart, then it's back to being great. And I'm not talking about any one thing, everything in general is about the same. Money, love life, work, friends, all up and down. But like a roller coaster, you never really get anywhere, you might go up and then you'll go down, but in the end, you're back where you started. The story of my life really, always break even. In a town like Las Vegas, breaking even might be the best there is. Can't complain about that though.

Anyways, I've got better things to do than bitch, even though I'm so good at it. I got a couple cold bottles of beer in the fridge, my brand new Harry Potter book is sitting in my room, and I think it's time I went and got lost for a minute.

Peace

crowd

2005-07-15T15:54:00.002-07:00

crowd
Uploaded by Freon.

jordan

2005-07-15T15:54:00.001-07:00

jordan
Uploaded by Freon.

me

2005-07-15T15:54:00.000-07:00

me
Uploaded by Freon.

Aubree

2005-07-15T15:53:00.001-07:00

Aubree
Uploaded by Freon.

Nick

2005-07-15T15:53:00.000-07:00

Nick
Uploaded by Freon.

Buddies

2005-07-15T15:52:00.000-07:00

Buddies
Uploaded by Freon.

2005-07-12T12:57:00.000-07:00

There's an 8 mph wind blowing right now in the valley. It feels like the devil is breathing down our necks. It's so hot here my balls are permanently stuck to the side of my leg. It's so hot I think I could bake a cake in my car. Damn.

weather.com:

"AN EXCESSIVE HEAT WARNING HAS BEEN ISSUED FOR TODAY AND WEDNESDAY FOR ELEVATIONS BELOW 4000 FEET MSL FOR SOUTHERN NEVADA...EXTREME NORTHWEST ARIZONA AND SOUTHEAST CALIFORNIA.

A STRONG HIGH PRESSURE SYSTEM WILL ALLOW DAYTIME TEMPERATURES TO BE NEAR RECORD HIGH VALUES BOTH DAYS ACROSS THE AREA. THIS WILL RESULT IN AFTERNOON HIGHS APPROACHING 112 IN THE LAS VEGAS VALLEY... NEAR 118 ALONG THE COLORADO RIVER...AND BETWEEN 120 AND 125 IN DEATH VALLEY."

2005-07-11T17:47:00.000-07:00

My Score:

Your Ultimate Purity Score Is...
Category	Your Score	Average
Self-Lovin'	30% When I think about you - or anyone - I touch myself	65.1%
Shamelessness	59.5% It takes a couple of drinks	79.2%
Sex Drive	47.4% I got needs, baby, you gotta unnastan'!	77.6%
Straightness	0% Knows the other body type like a map	44.4%
Gayness	85.7% Repressed, are we?	83.8%
Fucking Sick	87.6% Refreshingly normal	90.1%
You are 53.71% pure Average Score: 72.6%
Take The Ultimate Purity Test and see how you match up!

tech's score:

Your Ultimate Purity Score Is...
Category	Your Score	Average
Self-Lovin'	55% Explored the pleasures of the flesh	65.1%
Shamelessness	71.4% It takes a couple of drinks	79.2%
Sex Drive	68.4% A fool for love, but not always	77.6%
Straightness	12.5% Knows the other body type like a map	44.4%
Gayness	92.9% Repressed, are we?	83.8%
Fucking Sick	81.4% Refreshingly normal	90.1%
You are 63.43% pure Average Score: 72.6%
Take The Ultimate Purity Test and see how you match up!

2005-07-07T19:32:00.000-07:00

The following is a review of the Las Vegas 100 concert that I was at last week. I could of written my own review but I don't remember exact songs, the order they were played, band member names, etc. I got this review of a pretty cool blog, Mingle with Ingle, and he did such a good job with the review and I agree with everything it says that I decided to "borrow" the review. My own comments are in red.

First off, the opening band, “The Adolecents” blew. They were about as talented as Atreyu. Easily one of the worst bands I've ever heard.

Now lets get to the important stuff. After the crappy opening set, Weezer came out. Giant W and all, and performed quite the set.

In short, Weezer owned. They played a much different set than I had imagined based on the set lists posted on their web site. First off, they started out with Say it Ain’t So, arguably their best song to date. At this point, I was about 15 feet from the front railing (we got into the inner area because we were part of the first 5000 to arrive). After Say it Ain’t So, they played either Don’t Let Go or Photograph, I don’t really remember, and I haven’t been able to find a set list anywhere yet. By the end of this song we were about 5 feet from the front railing. I was very impressed by Weezer. This was my first experience with this band other than the Buddy Holly video on MTV. I really liked them and I wish I'd been introduced to them earlier.

Some time after that they played Perfect Situation, one of my favorite songs from the new album, for the first time live. They didn’t play any Pinkerton, which was a let down, but there was a hell of a lot of Blue, which I couldn’t have been more happy about. My favorite song of the set, and also my favorite Weezer song in general was No One Else, which was every bit as awesome live as it was on CD.

By the end of the Weezer set, we were up to the front rail, directly in the center of the venue, and after what seemed like the longest hour of my life, the Chili Peppers took the stage, first Flea And Johnny with a short jam, then Chad, then Anthony. We also made it to the front rail by the time the Peppers came out. Very awesome.

After a quick jam session, they moved into By The Way. They went on to play an excellent show, included a few covers, and a few songs from their upcoming album. They seemed like pretty cool guys. Flea suggested we all get our recorders out every time they were about to play a song that hadn’t been released yet. After an excellent set, they came out for one of the best encore’s I’ve ever seen at a concert.

Johnny walked out on stage carrying a base, which was odd on its own, but then Flea walked out carrying a trumpet. Not only is the man the bassist alive, but he comes out with a fucking trumpet, and plays one of the best trumpet solos I’ve ever heard. Very cool trumpet playing. After that, they went into Under the Bridge, which was amazing, and then Give it Away, which was even more so. After that, they went into a little improv session, which was absolutely insane. Flea and Anthony beat-boxed, they even barked a little. it was absolutely insane. After about twenty to thirty minutes of improv, the concert ended, there was a huge fireworks show ($100,000 worth from what I hear), and a even bigger traffic jam. Nothing like 50,000 fans trying to get out of a parking lot. I've never really liked fireworks, always found them a little boring, but this was such a cool display. I was like the zombies in Land of the Dead, just staring up at the 'sky flowers'.

Anyways, this has probably been one of the best experiences of my life, and has most definately taken its place as my favorite concert of all time. Easily the greatest concert I've ever been too.

2005-07-04T18:55:00.000-07:00

Part Expert Kisser

You're a kissing pro, but it's all about quality and not quantity
You've perfected your kissing technique and can knock anyone's socks off
And you're adaptable, giving each partner what they crave
When it comes down to it, your kisses are truly unforgettable

Part Freaky Kisser

When you kiss, you want to experience something new
A new technique, a new partner, a new piercing...
And your own personal kissing style is very unpredictable
There's no saying where your tongue or hands will go

What Kind of Kisser Are You?

2005-07-04T17:17:00.000-07:00

Your IQ Is 120

Your Logical Intelligence is Exceptional
Your Verbal Intelligence is Genius
Your Mathematical Intelligence is Exceptional
Your General Knowledge is Above Average

A Quick and Dirty IQ Test

2005-07-04T16:59:00.000-07:00

Just got back from lunch. I had a great buzz, but walking into this building killed it. It's kind of sad, getting a buzz from one margarita, even if it was a big ass margarita.

I started thinking during lunch, while talking to Cheetah, I need to get the fuck out of Dodge for a bit. Preferably somewhere cool, in the 80's at most. Seattle maybe or Portland. I have credit with Southwest, so my plane ticket is taken care of, I just need a place to stay. I could still go to Chicago I guess, but that would really be depressing alone. I'll probably go alone, that way I don't have to make plans around someone else's schedule. I just take off and stay as long as I like. No worries that someone will cancel at the last minute. Maybe I'll do it as soon as my legs healed up to the point it doesn't bleed constantly.

Wherever I go should be fine, I just need to get out of Vegas for a few days. Somewhere I can think about things from a new perspective. Every year this happens, when it starts to get hot and I start to feel claustrophobic. Last couple of years Kansas City has been my release, now I need a new one.

Tentative list of possible cities:
Seattle
Portland
Denver
San Francisco
Chicago
Austin (probably too hot)

Something to ponder.

Buzz now completely gone.

2005-07-04T13:25:00.000-07:00

Your personal life is your own business. I will fight to my last breath to defend your right to believe in whatever God you want and to screw whomever you want. But shut the fuck up about it, OK? Leave the abortion clinics alone, stop wearing white sheets and swastika armbands in public, quit marching on Big Gay Trotskyist Day in your matching red cheekless leather chaps and biker cap or whatever it is you do to feel more special than everybody else. Nobody cares but you. Quit being an asshole.

by Joshua Ellis in the Las Vegas Citylife

Couldn't agree more.

2005-07-04T12:58:00.000-07:00

Back at work today. Still have a hole in leg, but it's getting smaller. Still hate this place and that's not changing. Talked with Corpus a few days ago, he's left the friendly confines of Clientlogic for better things. Extremely tempted to follow him. Not sure how much more soul sapping I can take from this place.

Speaking of Corpus, I got to hang out with him Saturday. He went with us to the Weezer/Chili Peppers concert. I wish more of my friends could of gone, but we had a short supply of tickets. As it stands, Grey, Tech, Corpus and Cheetah went with me, only Creepy Bunny was missing. Everyone had a fun time. Even with the hole in my leg I made it to the front when the Peppers came out. Fucking awesome. Unfortunately, both Tech's and Cheetah's camera's were considered 'professional' and they made us take them back to the car. That was shitty. Got a few cell phone pics but they suck.

Lets see, what else has been going on? I watched The Sisterhood of the Traveling Pants with Kelsey. It was a total chick flick but I loved it. I had to watch War of the Worlds to get a little testosterone back but that film sucked ass. Hanging out with Kelsey reminded me of how many people I don't see anymore. Kelsey, Martin, Mike and a few others from the Suncoast days, friends I enjoyed chillin' with but just don't anymore. No real reason why I don't, I just don't. I feel bad because I do enjoy their company. I guess I have a problem getting close to too many people. I usually only have one or two close friends and usually one of them is my girlfriend, if and when I a have one. More than that I just feel like I'm being pulled apart. So sorry guys, I'll call you up. And Kelsey, I promise I won't wait two months before calling you again. :)

I just hung up on a couple people. Fucking losers, quit watching TV you fat fucks. This job is making me bitter. If I start openly surfing the web, I wonder how long before these bastards catch me and if they would fire me on the spot. Ten more minutes until break.

What the fuck is that smell??? Can't these fucks close their asshole while they work? Fuck!!!!

2005-07-03T13:22:00.000-07:00

Your Pisces Drinking Style

If you're a Pisces, you've probably already heard that you share a sign -- and an addictive personality -- with Liz Taylor, Liza Minelli and Kurt Cobain.
Not only do Pisces like to lose themselves in the dreamy, out-there feeling that only hooch can give, but you build up a mighty tolerance fast.
You're an expensive date!

On the other hand, you're a fabulously enchanting partner, whether in conversation or in crime.
With the right person, you can start out sharing a pitcher of margaritas and wind up in bed together for days.
The phrase "addictive personality" can be read two ways, you know.

Your Signature Cocktails

Pisces rules fresh mint, and you do love a mojito or three -- though a julep will do just as well.
You also like punches, like sangria or the oh-so-aptly named fish house punch.
(Pretty much anything will satisfy a Pisces in a pinch, though -- "drinking like a fish" is an idiom pulled out of the zodiac, not the deep blue sea.)
You're a total chocoholic, and you love creme de cacao (and spiked cocoa).

Your Celebrity Drinking Buddies

Drew Barrymore, Chelsea Clinton, Queen Latifah, Bruce Willis, Jennifer Love Hewitt, Ted Kennedy, Jon Bon Jovi, Fabio

What's Your Alcohoroscope?

Your Virgo Drinking Style

Hey brainiac, you are compelled to impose order onto your bender.
Your famously fussy quest for purity could lead to drinking less than other signs, sure...
But it could also lead to drinking booze neatly (like sucking down organic wine or having extreme brand loyalty).
You rarely get fully shellacked -- but, oh, when you do!

Virgo's controlled by the intellect, but there's an unbridled beast lurking within, and they let it loose when walloped. It's dead sexy (and surprisingly unsloppy). As one Virgo friend used to declare, "I'm going to drink myself into a low level of intelligence tonight." A toast to the subgenius IQ!

Your Signature Cocktails

Many Virgos prefer clear, simple, untreacly drinks like vodka tonic or a real margarita, though you can be found drinking anything from unflinchingly downing Cuervo straight to smirkingly ordering a dirty virgin. You also tend to like bitter, low-alk guzzles like Campari and soda. However, you rarely change your signature drink once you've found it.

Your Celebrity Drinking Buddies

Cameron Diaz, Hugh Grant, Keanu Reeves, Nicole Richie, Bill Murray, Jada Pinkett Smith, Adam Sandler, and Ricki Lake.

What's Your Alcohoroscope?

2005-06-25T23:41:00.000-07:00

You must remember, a Cheetah, born and raised in the wild, will always be a wild animal. Wild animals don't do well in captivity. Oh, they may at first, who wouldn't enjoy all the perks, regular feedings, warm place to sleep, etc. But even a golden cage is still a cage. The Cheetah will get restless and anxious. They'll pace the cage, their eyes on freedom which lies beyond the bars. It is usually at this point, when she will attack, hurting you or herself in the process.

I let Cheetah go today, before she could attack. Maybe I'm giving up on something great but I couldn't take the risk of getting hurt again. I guess now I'll never no if the juice was worth the squeeze.

Fun with metaphors. My life can summed up in a metaphor. Take this for example:

Paradise lies out there, somewhere across the ocean. I've been looking my entire life. I go from island to island looking for perfection, for the happiness that is Paradise. Every island offering me her charms, showering me with gifts, enticing me to stay. But every time I look back out across the horizon, I feel Paradise calling. The problem is, how will I know Paradise when I find it? How do I know I haven't already found it, and left looking for better? Does Paradise exist? Will my ship even go that far? Maybe I should just settle with close to perfect. I've had the honor of visiting some great islands, islands I hated leaving. Maybe they were the best that this ocean has to offer.

Wow that sounds depressing, I'm really not though. I've seen this coming for several days, so it's not a surprise. But it does suck.

You're free Cheetah, free to run. Free to be a Cheetah.

2005-06-25T15:38:00.000-07:00

I have a hole in my knee. It is the most painful experience I've ever had. Something bit me about a week ago, probably a spider. It didn't hurt the day of, just a little itchy. Then it got warm, then hot, then it started to drain blood and pus. Doctor gave me some antibiotics but it seems to be getting worse. Just moving my leg hurts. Death would be welcome.

2005-06-19T17:58:00.000-07:00

Second funny call of the day:

Talking to some guy in upstate New York, he's having problems with his optical audio connection or lack there of. Anyways, he's rambling about something and talking about how it sucks that I missed Woodstock and the Dead. Then he says he's never been to Nevada, "I used to follow the Dead but never went to Nevada. Followed them all over though, I was a *pause* 'recording enthusiast'." I'm sorry, did you just say you were a pot head?

A 'recording enthusiast'? What the fuck is that? I didn't say anything, I just placed him on mute and laughed. Is that slang for 'drugged out hippie'. I'm just kidding, I know all of the dead heads were not drugged out hippies, just most of them.

2005-06-19T11:31:00.000-07:00

Funnies thing I've heard today. I guess there's a NASCAR race today, and I guess people actually watch that shit, but anyways. I got a call from an old hillbilly bitching that his local channels were broken and he was missing his race. "I done missed an hour already. I been with ya'll ever since you came out, cause we live up here in the mountains. This ain't never happened before." So I quickly reprogrammed his receiver to auto-detect the satellite and his race was back on. "Thanks buddy, now I can go back to drinking beer."

Now that, ladies and gentlemen, is a true American. God bless the USA!!!

2005-06-15T23:14:00.000-07:00

I'm staring at this, wanting to write something, needing to write something, but I think I'll just go to bed instead. If I'm going to watch my life spin in the abyss, I might as well be laying in bed.

2005-06-14T19:42:00.000-07:00

Take the test and either comment your results or post them on your blog, I want to know everyone's results.

Your Linguistic Profile:

80% General American English

15% Yankee

5% Upper Midwestern

0% Dixie

0% Midwestern

What Kind of American English Do You Speak?

2005-06-05T17:46:00.000-07:00

I'm bored at work again. I want to write but I keep getting interrupted by customer's on the phone who don't know how to change the channel, fucking idiots. So I'll kept this light, nothing serious.

Saw the classic rock tribute band, The Yellow Brick Road, last night with Tech and Cheetah. A lot funnier, (almost said funner, but I guess that's not a word, pricks who keep bringing it up :p), where was I, oh yeah, a lot more fun than I thought it would be. I like some classic rock, Aerosmith and Queen come to mind, but I really can't sit and listen to it on the radio or a cd player. But live the shit is fun. I love all (most) live music. Music that is dull and boring on record can be exciting and invigorating when live. The classic rock was fun, but the best part was when they jumped into a Michael Jackson routine (FREE MICHAEL!!!), it was funny, and the impersonation was right on, it was cool. And it's all free, at the Boulder Station, Fridays and Saturdays at 11pm, get there early for a table.

Things with me and Cheetah are still good. She said I'm the complete opposite of other guys she's dated, I don't know how to take that. Is that supposed to be a good thing or a bad thing? I'll say good thing and move on, because I doubt she would say it in negative way.

Anyways, I was checking out some astrology site and read this which was interesting to me:

Pisces and Virgo (me and Cheetah) compatibility:
Virgo's emotional responses to Pisces are very intense. If Pisces is physically attractive to Virgo, then the attractive power of Pisces over Virgo is extremely powerful. However, the attraction tends to have a love/hate quality to it, and you feel drawn to each other, but also wary and distrustful of each other. It is likely that you feel both drawn to each other and repulsed by each other at the same time! The emotional response to each other is intense and complex, and the ultimate outcome of this deep, complex emotional tie is difficult to predict, but one thing is certain: this is not a lukewarm relationship and you "get under each other's skin", evoking intense feelings from each other. Virgo can easily become obsessed with Pisces!

Pisces and Libra(me and Neon) compatibility:
This is likely to be a stormy, fiery, and emotional relationship. The romantic attraction between you is very strong, but your feelings are often not in tune with each other. One of you (typically Pisces but sometimes Libra) may feel sexually aroused by the other and consequently be too aggressive in approach, while the other person feels great love and affection, but is not feeling as sexually attracted. Jealousy and possessiveness are also likely. Feelings can swing back and forth and you may not realize how much you love each other until you are away from each other.
You may have a needless fear of the unknown in matters of sexual exploration. Some hesitation may be indicated by one partner. Insecurity and anxiety may cause the odd frustration in enjoying a powerful orgasm.

Pisces and Aries (me and Misha) compatibility:
This is a passionate relationship, but also a rather aggressive and combative one at times. Sex may be a bit rough, crude, or insensitive as well. You stimulate each other both in sexual and non-sexual ways, but you are also inclined to irritate each other. As long as you don't end up fighting and competing with each other, you can accomplish a great deal together. However, the aggressiveness of this relationship is prone to foster anger and hurt feelings - so be careful not to incite hostility in each other.

Pisces and Pisces (me and Nicole) compatibility:
You will experience the heights and depths, love and hate, attraction and repulsion, agony and ecstasy in this relationship. A powerful, compelling fascination and irresistible sexual attraction draws the two of you together like magnets. You love each other with a depth of feeling that is surprising even to yourselves. The powerful charismatic power that you have over each other can be used to manipulate one another, and dominance, control, or jealousy easily become hot issues between you. Whether this is a brief passionate encounter or a life long attachment, you will change one another profoundly.

Well I guess this got deeper than I thought. Which one of those relationships seems the best from those paragraphs?

2005-06-02T11:23:00.000-07:00

Cheetah and I text each other, a lot. Way to much if you ask me. It's a good way to keep in contact, but it really does get annoying. Especially with my phone, an older Sprint model. Anyone who's had Sprint over a year knows that you have to log on to your internet before you can type, send, or read a message. This can take up to 5 minutes to send or read one message, it's almost not worth it. New Sprint phones are like other sms capable phones, you just type and send, no need to connect to anything. I need one before I go crazy. I've already started feeling my phone vibrate when it's not even in my pocket.

2005-06-02T00:41:00.000-07:00

Great, these results look good. I took the test but I found a lot of the questions are not easily answered with yes or no, I need a sometimes to really get the truth. I don't agree with most of these at all. "Extreme social anxiety," how so? if anything most of these should be moderate, not high. But then I guess everyone's fucked up somehow.

Disorder	Rating
Paranoid:	High
Schizoid:	Moderate
Schizotypal:	Moderate
Antisocial:	High
Borderline:	Moderate
Histrionic:	High
Narcissistic:	High
Avoidant:	High
Dependent:	High
Obsessive-Compulsive:	Low
-- Personality Disorder Test -- -- Personality Disorder Information --

2005-06-01T23:11:00.000-07:00

You are Heroin Bob!

Which SLC Punk are you?
brought to you by Quizilla

2005-05-30T14:11:00.000-07:00

my dad says ur not strong in the church cuz u cant commit and how u gonna have faith and trust in me when u cant have proof i not cheating

I received this text message yesterday from Cheetah. Her father is a bishop in the LDS church, which happens to be the church I attended as a child. Since then I've totally rejected it and all religion on the basis that they're all hypocrites. I do like religion though as a subject matter and it's fun to argue about it. So I asked her pops a few questions, you know, the kind that can't really be answered. And I got the answers I expected. You have to have faith. To which I say, sorry but that's not good enough, I need proof.

Then he hits me with that text message. Not really on the same level is it? I don't know which one is easier, believing in an all powerful God who created us in his image, or that my girl won't cheat on me? Just gave me something to think about. Ponder, if you will.

2005-05-28T02:23:00.000-07:00

I'm supposed to be in bed right now, catching up on all the sleep I've missed this last week. Saturday, today in other words, is my last day of vacation. It's been a hell of a week. Hell of a month, and if we're going back that far, it's been a hell of a year. I was thrown from paradise, and banished into hell, but I'm fighting my way back and doing a fine job of it, too. I wish I could go back to the way it was, but that way has closed, a new frontier lies ahead and it's up to me to boldly go. (damn that's cheesy)

So I have a girlfriend now. I enjoy hanging out with her and being with her. I hope that I'm not just using her as a rebound girl, she deserves more than that. She may not fill the hole that was left but I don't expect her to. She makes me happy, helps me forget the emptiness, what more can I ask for?

I have my new car, which is great and I love it. I have money in my pocket, which I also love. I have a $100 bottle of Patron Silver Tequila in the freezer, ice cold is how we do it. I have a civil, if not friendly relationship with Kelly. Life is looking up. It may not be paradise, but it sure isn't hell. (even though it feels like it outside, fuck it's hot)

Now that, is a bottle of tequila!!!!

2005-05-26T00:02:00.000-07:00

So the idea of going to Iraq to work came up. $70 to $90 thousand for a year. Is it worth it?

Maybe, just maybe...

2005-05-24T14:52:00.000-07:00

Nordkraft. Check out the trailer, it looks fucking good, even if it's not in English. Hopefully I'll find a dvd of it once it's out.

2005-05-21T13:14:00.000-07:00

Thanks for your comments on the previous post. I've hidden them since they got a little too personal and off topic. I will continue to post because she hasn't really told me to stop and because it's therapeutic.

Back by popular demand, the next installment in The New Adventures of Freon: Freon Goes on Safari!

So I met my next door neighbor a couple nights ago. Very interesting to say the least. Hot Hispanic girl, single, and has one little girl (who happens to have the same name as me, anyways). I guess I'll call her Tigress, because Cheetah's are not scared of much except for the larger cats, and I think Cheetah was scared. As soon as Tigress stepped into the room, both Cheetah and her friend stepped the fuck back. They backed into their corner and just watched from there. Tigress looked around, like a Queen surveying her newly conquered land, and said to me, "That's, the competition?" (big pause after that's). Tigress knows what she wants, and from looks of things, she gets what she wants.

Earlier we went to a bar to meet some of my friends. Cheetah didn't even talk to me, and barely acknowledged me. So that pissed me off. She'd said that in public she couldn't show affection but I wasn't asking for affection, just attention. I was invisible. So I was mad. When we got home, we were sitting in front of my house drinking in the back of the truck when Tigress came home. She introduced herself to us, and called me an asshole for not coming over to say hi to her a few days earlier. She then invited us over to her house, so the guys went over, the girls said we'll be over in a minute and never did come over. We talked with Tigress for a bit then walked over to my house to get more drinks. That's when she said the competition statement.

Now Cheetah was ignoring me even more. She felt threatened by Tigress and probably had reason to be. We sat outside together and talked. Cheetah sat on the other side of the backyard and talked shit to Tech about me. And then Tigress starts talking about how much she likes me and wants to get to know me better. We go inside and sit on the couch and then we end up making out. She does a hot little lap dance for me, with Tim watching. I felt bad that Cheetah could see this through the kitchen door, but I felt it was well deserved.

Later I walked Tigress to her house and said goodnight. Then I sat in my truck bed alone for a bit, thinking about things. I ended up texting Cheetah and she came out to talk to me. We had a good conversation. In the end we decided we would try a relationship. Probably not the best way to start a relationship, and having a girl next door won't make it any easier, but that's life.

On another note, my roommate had his nipples pierced last night with safety pins disinfected in Bacardi 151. Cheetah did the honors. It looked painful as fuck. He already took one out because it was crooked. Anyone want to bet on how long it takes to get infected?

2005-05-20T00:02:00.000-07:00

So, we're having another party this weekend, I just found out yesterday. My roommate found out about the same time, that's how plugged in we are. I guess Cheetah talked to us about it a few days prior but neither one of us remembered. So yeah, party at my house Saturday.

So Cheetah and I've been seeing each other a bit. She's stayed over a few times. Usually we just talk and go to sleep but we've had sex as well. So I guess she's not a lesbian. At first I got way caught up in it, I wanted her to be my girlfriend or something serious. I was annoyed she didn't want to show interest in me in public. So we talked about it and I agreed with her, we don't know each other yet. Drunk sex does not equal a relationship. So I've stepped back and what ever happens happens. Which brings me to my new conundrum.

I've always noticed that you can be without a girl for any period of time. You spend this time wishing you had a girl. Then, as soon as you do find a girl who shows interest and you hit it off with her, another girl steps into the picture. You go from zero girls to too many girls. Now I'm just going off of Tim's word on this, but I have no reason to doubt him. Another girl at work is showing interest. We'll go ahead and call her Snow Fox, yeah that's a good one.

The problem is Tim invited Snow Fox to the party, and Cheetah is throwing the party. Now Snow Fox might not even show, or she may not really be that interested, but if she does, how do I play it. Return any interest she shows me or ignore her. I know Cheetah won't be showing interest in me, at least not until the after party when we're alone, but if I show interest in Snow Fox there may not be an after party.

I don't think I've ever gotten with a girl that another girl didn't pop into the picture right away. I actually think I enjoy this problem way to much. Oh well, I'll adapt to whatever happens.

2005-05-14T12:27:00.000-07:00

What's up with me calling people when I'm drunk? I really fucked up, let Cheetah see a side of me I wasn't ready to share. So now, she says she's just a rebound girl. That's not what I wanted her to be, but in reality, I guess she is. I guess we'll see where it goes. But I can tell it won't go where I want it to. What did I expect? Like Atmosphere said:

"can't imagine anything as small
as alcohol and hormones turning out to be anything big"

And then my roommate situation is going to hell. I'm sorry Tim, I hope you understand where I'm coming from. I'm a hard person to live with, I know that. We've had good times though, give me a chance and there will be more. I know I treat you like a little brother, that's going to stop now, you deserve more. I should probably be telling this to you face to face but I don't do that very well. Dick move on my part, that's why I'll buy you lunch...

Welcome to my world peeps.

2005-05-10T20:36:00.000-07:00

Lesbians: Competition or Comrades? Bi-Sexuals: Greedy Bastards!

Last night was the most fun I've had in a long time. Let me start at the beginning. We invited this girl from work over to drink. She'd been over the day before and we played drinking games, so we thought it'd be cool to do again. Her code name will be Cheetah. Now Cheetah happens to call herself a lesbian. Cheetah calls me and tells me some of her friends are coming over. So the guys, three of us, think "yes, girls." They show up, in walks Mouse, Pink Panther and Biker Chick. All work with us, all are lesbians. Now, for maybe the first time in 2 months we've lived here, there are more girls than guys, but the girls are only interested in each other. Fuck it, lets get drunk and maybe they'll make out in front of us.

So we play some games, do some shots, smoke some cheap cigars, you know the routine. Pink Panther shows us her pierced, size D breast, yeah only one is pierced. Not bad. Next thing we know, Cheetah and Biker Chick are locked in the room together. As we all crowd around we hear moans and ass slaps. Pink Panther wants in, she finally makes it into the room but gets dismissed. She gets mad and leaves with Mouse. One guy leaves with them. Now it's down to Cheetah, Biker Chick, Tim and I. Once the two girls are done they come out, we all go into my room and as I play cds, everyone sings along, the girls kiss a bit on my bed. After maybe 40 min of that we decide to go to bed.

Cheetah quickly claims my room for hers, makes me lock the door so Biker Chick can't come in, because I guess she doesn't really like Biker Chick. Yeah, they may be lesbians but they're still girls, cuckoo. Now since it's my room, there's no way in hell I'm giving up my bed for a lesbian. So I lay down and she lays down. She put her head on my chest and hugged me and had her leg on top of me. We start talking about anything and everything, religion, music, girls, movies, and all the while just kind of hugging and feeling up on each other. Next thing I know, while I'm in mid-sentence she kisses me. Hard. We kiss for a bit, then she pulls away and says "I'm sorry, I couldn't resist." I almost speechless.

After that we talked some more, hugged each other closer and ended up falling asleep like that. It was the best sleep I've had in a long time. It was really nice having someone in bed, even if there was no sex. Actually that's a huge part of why I enjoyed it. I love sex, but it was so refreshing that it wasn't necessary. At no point did I think "let's fuck" and I was drunk. Sex would have ruined the moment. Not to say I wouldn't like to in the near future, but at that point no sex was perfect.

2005-05-09T00:29:00.000-07:00

All I wanted tonight, was a dark, quiet bar with no video poker, does that fucking exist in this town. Could I just sit at the bar and stare into my drink with out having fucking flashing lights and shit in my face? Anyone? Ideas please cuz this bullshit. Look at this picture, it's so fucking bright and happy in there, fuck, how are you supposed to get your drink on?

Then it only get's worse. So I only had one beer there and then left. Tipped big, just in case I come back when I'm in a happy mood. Went to Smith's to buy some cheap cigars, some chips for the salsa at home, and a cheap lawn chair. The fucking cigars are locked up. It's fucking North Las Vegas, how can the fucking cigars be locked up? And then he says I have to go outside, get the chair and bring it back in. Fuck you asshole. So all I got were chips for the salsa. Now I have to drive inebriated to the nearest gas station for some fucking cigars, so I can fucking get drunk in the darkness which is my back yard sitting on my ass with a cheap ass cigar in my mouth eating some damn good chips and salsa. Fuck. Fuck.

2005-05-08T22:46:00.000-07:00

Fuck. I had a lot of shit written, but all it adds up to is Fuck.

Fuck.
Like that character in I Heart Huckabees, I just want to fucking start screaming, swearing at the fucking world. Fuck.

I don't even know what I want anymore. But I know what I can't have.

My only fear of death is comin back, reincarnated

-2Pac

Fuck it.

2005-05-08T00:54:00.000-07:00

Hackworth was alone and separate from all humanity, a feeling he had grown up with, like a childhood friend living next door. He had found Gwen by some miracle and lost touch with that old friend for a few years, but now he and solitude were back together, out for a stroll, familiar and comfortable.

Neal Stephenson - The Diamond Age

The small child in this card is standing on one side of a gate, looking through it. He is so small, and so convinced that he cannot get through, he cannot see that the chain holding the gate is not locked; all he has to do is open it. Whenever we feel 'left out', or excluded, it brings up this feeling of being a small, helpless child. It is not surprising, as the feeling is deeply rooted in our earliest childhood experiences. The problem is that, because it is so deeply rooted, it plays over and over again, like a tape, in our lives. You have an opportunity now to stop the tape, to quit tormenting yourself with ideas that you are somehow not 'enough' to be accepted and included. Recognize the roots of these feelings in the past, and let go of the old pain. It will bring you the clarity to see how you can open the gate and enter that which you most long to become.

Osho Zen Tarot - The Outsider - 5 of Rainbows (Pentacles)

2005-05-07T13:04:00.000-07:00

Here's a pic of the car I'm thinkin of getting. 2005 Chevy Aveo. I'm not sure if what color I'll go with yet, maybe black.

**update** I just noticed I left the g of of thinking. Wow. I mean, that's how I say it but I'm usually good at spelling. Spellin?

**update again** As I've been typing email's today, I've discovered the problem. the letter g on this remote isn't working the way it should. You have to press harder than any of the other keys. Piece of shit.

2005-05-02T00:17:00.000-07:00

Michelle called me today. She was my first love for those that don't know. She's living with her boyfriend now, and up to two days ago she was pregnant. She called me today, I haven't heard from her in several months. "I'm a mommy now." She gave birth to a baby girl, 3 months ahead of schedule, weighing in at a little above 2 pounds. She had to have a c-section as well. A baby girl named Candice Skye.

She sounded so happy on the phone. So innocent. All she ever wanted in life was someone to lover her unconditionally. She finally has that. It really made me wonder. What if it was me who was still with her, the daddy? There was a time when I really wanted that. What would have happened if I hadn't pushed her away, if we'd tried to work it out? I hope she's happy, I really do. That's all I ever wanted for her. I tried so hard to be there for her, when nobody else was. Sometimes I still wish it had worked out.

She asked me how I was doing and I just said ok. I couldn't put all my shit on her. I've been wanting to talk to her for so long about my breakup. She was the first person I thought about talking to when I found out. Michelle understands me in a way nobody else does. Kelly knows me better and deeper, but there's parts of me that Kelly will never know, because they don't exist anymore. When I got with Michelle, I was in mint condition. Over our relationship she really hurt me, and I closed up areas of myself. When I met Kelly those areas remained closed.

Ha, that means if I was in mint condition with Michelle and she left me in good condition, then Kelly left me even worse off, I'm about at poor condition. That means the next lucky lady will get a bum deal. I'm in the 10 cent comic bin. Hopefully I can find someone who's more into the story than the condition of the book.

I sat on the floor in the casino for awhile while my friends were in the arcade. Just sat there watching people. Sitting all alone. I could of been all alone in the world the way I felt. My friends were on the other side of the wall, and I was texting a couple people, but it still felt shitty. I sent Kelly a text but didn't get a reply, that made me feel even worse. Two songs for today that kept coming to mind:

DMX - Slippin
See to live is to suffer but to survive
well that's to find meaning in the suffering.

Ay yo I'm slippin' I'm fallin' I can't get up
Ay yo I'm slippin' I'm fallin' I can't get up
Ay yo I'm slippin' I'm fallin' I gots to get up
Get me back on my feet so I can tear shit up!

Akon - Lonely
I woke up in the middle of the night and I noticed my girl wasn't by my side, coulda sworn I was dreamin, for her I was
Feindin, so I hadda take a little ride, back tracking ova these few years, tryna figure out wat I do to make it go bad, cuz
Ever since my girl left me, my whole life came crashin and
I'm so lonely (so lonely),
I'm Mr. Lonely (Mr. Lonely)
I have nobody (I have nobody)
To call my own (to call my own) girl

Shit, this is turning into a livejournal hell real quick.